Lately, I feel like my mind is in this constant “GO! GO! GO!” mode. It feels like, I barely have time to sit down and take a breath. If I catch myself relaxing, I get this gut-feeling that I should be planning something, organizing something, or creating new ideas to do something. I start re-doing my savings plan, I re-calculate how much I need to save for a future house, plan trips that I want to go to, donate items I don’t need anymore, etc. Since I have already done that… here I am.
In nursing school, I learned that journaling helped me the most when it came to handling my emotions and thoughts day-by-day. If not, I felt overwhelmed from the emotions of yesterday and end up replaying moments in my head when I’m driving to work, on my breaks, or laying in bed at home. I guess if I don’t write/type it out, they stick to me. There are moments at work that shake me to the core and help me re-evaluate what is important to me and remind me why I love doing what I do.
“Human beings are the only ones in nature who are aware that they will die. For that reason and only for that reason, I have a profound respect for the human race, and I believe that its future is going to be much better than its present. Even knowing that their days are numbered and that everything will end when they least expect it, people make of their lives a battle that is worthy of a being with eternal life. What people regard as vanity-leaving great works, having children, acting in such a way as to prevent one’s name from being forgotten- I regard as the highest expression of human dignity.” – Paulo Coelho
We all have “bucket lists.” Things we want to do at least once in our lifetime. Whether these to-do’s are big or small life events, we will say something like, “I’m glad I did that – at least once!” or “I can finally cross that off my bucket list!”
When I look through surgery planning sheets, I focus more on equipment, instrumentation, correct procedures being picked a week or two in advanced, and confirm that implants will be available. I google (yes, I used google as a verb) articles of procedures to get a better understanding of them. I get caught up in the craziness of coordinating that I forget the bigger picture – the patient.
A young girl came to the OR to have bilateral hip osteotomies. She had several other medical and physical ailments, including chronic kidney disease, that made her ineligible to be a candidate on the transplant list. With no chance to have a transplant, the choice is to try to improve the quality of life and to simply live life to the fullest.
So, why hip osteotomies? She wanted to dance. *cue tears*
Life can be unfair and I feel like I experience that every day, but it definitely makes me count my blessings often and tell the people who I love, “I love you.” It is moments like this that nudge my shoulder to remind me to live. To dance in the moment. To love every chance I get. To not get caught up in routine, but to be happy to be alive and well. It also reminds me that the work I do, is for something and someone that is so much bigger than myself… and because of that, I will always put in 100% ❤